i have a tendency to do one or more of the following in my xanga entries: make them way too long, leave out important details, focus on things i had not planned on writing about in the first place, and/or get bored of myself halfway through and stop typing. i might actually do all of the above in this entry. be forewarned.

the trip assuaged all my fears about the possibility of being a missionary. most of the time, i was praying a single, very specific prayer to God. within the first few days, there was a phrase i kept hearing in my head: "you will not have a life of stillness, but i will give you peace." i then began to pray even more specifically, trying to be sure these were God's words for me and not something that popped out of my imagination. i read the book of matthew and was struck more than ever by how essential sacrifice is to the Christian life. discipleship is such a radical thing, and there is no reason in the world i shouldn't be willing to give up safety, possessions, even some relationships to serve Christ. after that, i had dreams (and not the typical lindsay dreams) in which i was surrounded by violence and terrified people, but i was completely calm every time. i kept thinking of ephesians 2:14: "for He Himself is our peace"...and some things just clicked like they never have before.

i have always been a worrier. i fear terrorists, car accidents, strange diseases, making phone calls, being alone, disappointing people, and pretty much anything else that could wound me in any way. i've heard sermon after sermon about trusting in the Lord, and i've read proverbs umpteen times, and it's been drilled into my head that God has a plan. i myself have rejoiced in trials, knowing that they are a part of something bigger. despite all this knowledge, however, i had never really grasped it like i did while i was in uganda. it being that there could be nothing more wonderful than to be poured out and emptied for the Lord.

one day while harvesting maize in the fields, a girl named edith decided to give us names in luganda. she called me 'mirembe'. translation? peace.

so i have learned once again, in a new way, that God is good. i don't believe that things are going to get particularly easy for me, and i don't even believe that i'll always embrace God's creative plans. i do, however believe that the way the Lord wants me to be fulfilled is through an unsettled life, one full of change and trauma and danger and heartbreak, because He will be my peace. God literally soothed every fear i had about being in uganda (flying, unfamiliar places, people speaking different languages) and i know that He did so to show me that i can do whatever He asks me to do. at this point i am stoked to see what that will be.

disclaimers: yeah, i know, i'm a daily failure. but the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair. also, i will probably complain occasionally about what God is doing or where He seems to be taking me at certain points, but i'm human. this entry is probably more for my own accountability to myself...you know, a little reminder that God has promised me that although i may never feel settled, i can always have peace.

more stuff happened in africa, but i probably won't ever end up writing about it. i made some british friends (cat and heather). i learned a luganda worship song. i hung out with preschoolers and fell in love with a little boy named tugume. i rode in a cattle truck to show the Jesus movie to a village waaay out in the bush. i ate termites. i harvested corn. i got into a conversation with a security guard at the entebbe airport about being a Christian and one of our team members gave him a Bible. i pigged out on chapati, which is my new favorite carbohydrate. i took six rolls of photographs, which you can look at sometime soon if you'd like. i think that will be the end of the official uganda report.

in other news, i am still working on getting a job in santa barbara. it's a good thing i don't have one yet, because i'm spending this week with louisiana family. my cousin, her husband, and their two kids are staying with us, so we get to do disneyland and the beach and the will geer theatricum botanicum and all my favorite things that are sooo california. it's been real. it's been fun. it's been real fun. but really. it has.

i enjoy shawn mcdonald's music thoroughly, and his testimony made me like him a little bit more.

I have tasted of a love so wide that it stops all my time. I have tasted of a love so deep that it blows my mind...